Friday, July 24, 2009

I Read Twilight and Hate it: Chapter 6

    Chapter six starts out with the usual kind of teen-drama crap that plagues this book. There are bunch of girls at the school who are, like, OMG jealous of like, Bella and how she gets to like hang out with Edward.  Bella overhears one talking about her with an "unpleasant, nasally voice."1  You can tell she's evil, because her voice isn't deep or velvet.  Mike defends her to this girl "loyally, but a bit territorially."1 Bella really has a hard time seeing good in things he does.  I guess she likes to keep her enemies far and her friends further.
    Later, she asks her dad about the place that Edward said he would be camping that weekend (did I mention that?  He said he couldn't go on the road-trip because he was going camping with his vampily).  He said it was known for bears, and most people don't go there to camp, but rather to hunt.  Not much to say here.
    The next morning, Bella's sleep is interrupted, because "an unusual brightness woke me."1  She was actually so amazed by clear weather that it woke her up early.  Now, first of all, I've already talked about how Washington's bad weather is greatly exaggerated (by Stephanie Meyer herself and the population at large).  Second, she's been away from Arizona for less that a month; not really enough time to forget what sunshine looks like. 
    She met everyone who was going on the trip at Mike's dad's store.  All the non-vampire students who had names were there, as well as a couple generics.  Two of the generic boys were given names ("Ben and Conner"1) which leads me to suspect that they're going to be asking Bella to dances soon.  Two of the generic girls ("Angela and Lauren"1) were also given names.  They seemed to be part of the group that was gossiping about Bella.  Mike asks Bella if she's invited anyone else.

        "Nope," I lied lightly, hoping I wouldn't get caught in the lie.  But also wishing that a miracle would occur and Edward would appear.1

    I guess Edward is kind of like Jesus now and his appearance constitutes a miracle.  Also, "lightly"?  Talk about unnecessary adverbs.  What did she mean, "quietly"?  If so, why didn't she just say "quietly"?  Or did she mean that it was a "light" lie, as opposed to a more serious or "heavier" lie.  I am consumed by the mystery that Stephanie Meyer's writing presented.  And more than a little obsessed by her writing itself.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.
    So, they make their way to La Push, and there's more trivial love-triangle drama.  I'll spare you the details.  It's not even exposing new information; just that Jessica likes Mike and Mike likes Bella.  Meyer gives some vanilla descriptions of the coastline, and the rocks on the beach, which are every colour including "dull gold"1 (OMG, just like Edward's eyes!).  Anyways, make it to the campsite, and start a fire.  Some people go hiking and come back.  Nothing really interesting until a group of teenagers from the nearby reservation shows up. 
    It's like they were sitting around saying, "Man, I'm so bored hanging out with other Native Americans.  If only some cool white kids would show up for us to talk to.  That would be awesome."  Anyways, the group includes one younger kid named Jacob.  He eventually makes his way over to Bella (all the boys do, after all) and introduces himself as the son of the guy that her dad bought the truck from.  They talk about various things, cars, Jacob's sisters (whom Bella used to be friends with), and the Cullens.  Conversations with Bella always lead to the Cullens.  Actually, Meyer gets around Bella displaying her creepy obsession by having another girl, one of the ones who was making fun of Bella, bring up the Cullens.  And it's totally believable and not awkward at all, that she just brings it up right out of the blue.  Heavy sarcasm.  After serving her purpose of bringing up Edward in the conversation, the girl leaves so Bella can start pumping Jacob for information about them. 
    Actually, she tries to take him for a walk on the beach and seduce the information out of him.  He says he's barely fifteen, and she's insincerely trying to flirt with him to use him to get info.  What a bitch.  Jacob had said that "the Cullens don't come here"1 and that had intrigued Bella to find out more info.  Although, I think there was only one work in that sentence that she even heard.  He could have said "I've never even heard of the Cullens," and she would still be dissecting it and trying to find more info from him.  
    Together, they walked a bit down the beach and sat at a “nearby driftwood tree that had its roots sticking out like the attenuated legs of a huge, pale spider.”1  “Attenuate,” in case you’re wondering, is a verb which means “to make thin.”  Why she said the branches were “attenuated” rather than just “thin”?  I have no idea.  Maybe she gets paid by the syllable. After a liberal amount of whoring, she gets him to tell her that the Cullens aren't supposed to come onto the reservation.  This is due to a pact that Jacob's great-grandfather made years ago with the "cold ones"1 [vampires], because they are the "natural enemies" of the werewolf.  Immediately afterwards, Jacob says:

        "...the cold ones are traditionally our [emphasis added] enemies.  But this pack [the Cullens] that came to our territory during my great-grandfather's time was different.  They didn't hunt the way others of their kind did - they weren't supposed to be dangerous to the tribe.  So my great-grandfather mad a truce with them.  If they would promise to stay off our lands, we wouldn't expose them to the pale-faces [crackers]"1.

    So, Jacob says that the vampires are werewolves' enemies, then afterwards calls them "our" enemies.  Dear god, I hope Meyers isn't planning some kind of stupid idea to make the Native Americans be werewolves.  Anyways, if Jacob just revealed all this information to blank-face here, didn't he violate the treaty, and lead to a vampire invasion of his reservation?  Why on earth were they trusting this information to a kid, anyways?

        "I guess I just violated the treaty."  He laughed.
        "I'll take it to the grave," I promised, and then shivered.1

    I hope that shiver means she's going to die soon, for making promises that she inevitably breaks.  That is to say, I really really doubt that she'll take this information to the grave.
    Bella and Jacob return to the group, and there's some more trivial stuff with Mike being possibly-but-not-really jealous of Jacob.  Bella also tells Jacob that she'll come see him, next time her dad comes to visit his dad.  I guess he's become her insta-friend.  All the pale-faces decide the night is through and jump back in their suburban to head back to Forks.  So ends chapter six.  Stay tuned for chapter seven.

1Meyer, Stephanie Twilight. “Chapter 6: Scary Stories” Little, Brown and Co., 2005

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